I Blame Van Halen

There can be only one explanation - Van Halen.

Once again, in the news today, another high school teacher has been charged with "allegedly" having improper relations or contact with one of their students.
Honestly now- as most guys will tell you, the only illicit contact most high school sophomores "allegedly" have, is with their imaginations and if they're so inclined, the hand lotion of their calling.

I was BAFFLED at the frequency with which some of these kids are seeing their professors in flagrante delicto - more than your average waitress at Hooters during Spring Break!!

Want Proof?!

http://wizbangblog.com/2006/05/11/florida-teacher-in-hot-water-over-swimsuit-photos.php

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/11943967/

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,255581,00.html

But then, clear as day - it came to me - Its all Van Halen's fault.

Think about it - Most of these young, impressionable (and about 70% of the time, attractive and blonde) teachers or teachers' assistants, etc HAVE to have just recently acquired their teaching credentials. Which puts most of them in their mid to late 20's to mid 30's. They are the product of Mtv (or MuchMusic, for you Canadians out there).

Who knows what kind of psychological toll the endless replay of those hypnotic riffs of "Hot For Teacher" hath wrought!!?! Certainly, Eddie Van Halen and David Lee Roth laid it all out there for us:

I heard about your lessons, but lessons are so cold. I know about
this school. Little girl from cherry lane, how did you get so bold ?
How did you know that golden rule ?

I think of all the education that I missed. But then my homework was never quite like this. Got it bad, got it bad, got it bad, I'm hot for teacher. I got it bad, so bad, I'm hot for teacher.

The hair twirling, bright lights, knee socks... It all makes sense now.
These women aren't the student-seducing harlots the media makes them out to be - They are victims.
Victims of unrelenting Van Halen mind control.

I think we need a telethon.