Expert Testimony

Ok - In the quest for new employment, I have decided that what I need to do, is become an "expert."
An expert in what, you ask - It doesn't really matter. I have come to the conclusion that one really needs no experience, and no real skills, other than i) the ability to speak with a cool accent; ii) willingness to busy ones' self in minutia that no one else cares about; and/or iii) no shame.

So, I was browsing the Los Angeles Times today, and I've discovered - apparently, you can eat fish again. Now, for those of you not keeping track - Fish, initially was great. It was the other other other other white meat. Low in bad fats, high in good fats, easily renewable, etc etc. So, experts said you should eat it. Then, it was bad, because we were overfishing. So, experts said you shouldn't. THEN, we figured out that with aquaculture, we could feed the world, everything was great, you should eat tons of it (again), because it was healthy (again). Then - mercury, PCB's, other contaminants accumulating in the food chain - Experts say - Bad, don't eat.

NOW....The Institute of Medicine says - Eat fish, its healthy, within limits. They've come out with a report: "The 608-page report provides guidelines for different age and health-risk groups. Panel members hope agencies will turn the guidelines into "user-friendly" advice."

Ok -Let's recap. A SIX HUNDRED PAGE REPORT!!!!

This "expert" assistance is one fish scale away from basically being tea leaf reading or casting runes. That's basically a doctor, asked if a patient will live, taking out a coin and flipping it.

These experts are clearly spineless, overeducated, dolts with no experience in the real world, no common sense, and no sense of the impact that their endless and shameless flip flopping would have on a public who was actually trying to listen to their advice (if any are left).
..... Sounds like they have a career in politics.....